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Bullying, Masculinity And Sensitivity – Part Of My Story

Theatrical Masks

What masks do you wear?

Today I read this article in the Daily Mail:

Punched as he slept, friends tortured with pliers: As it’s revealed the Queen Mother tried to stop Charles going to Gordonstoun, no wonder he called it Colditz with kilts

The article reminded me of my time at Rugby School from 1975 until 1978. Though not the darkest time of my life, attending Rugby School was a life changing experience which exacerbated, and added to, my preexisting mental illness. Today I’ve recovered in a mental health sense, though am still behind in some aspects of ordinary life as a result of both the mental issues and my experiences at the school. For example, it’s one reason why I never had children – by time I got my head sorted it was too late.

While at Rugby School, besides Latin, I learnt that extreme violence would save me from bullying. The staff, senior boys and my parents didn’t/couldn’t/wouldn’t save me.

Besides ‘standard’ bullying, here are just some, more extreme examples: people had pubic hair burnt off with aerosol ‘flame throwers’, heat rub or minty toothpaste rubbed into genitals, minds were deliberately broken. One felt a deep pervading fear about going to sleep….

My nickname when I left Rugby School was ‘Psycho’. I cultivated fear in the minds of my enemies. I used my mind, weapons and extreme violence to instill fear in people much larger & stronger than me. I was not afraid of numbers either. I beat up one notorious bully, including stamping on his head and many people congratulated me afterward.

Violence works on bullies partly because they are tuned into ‘what’s in it for me’. If you are small, a weapon can give you leverage against older and stronger bullies. The most significant key though was the mind. People sensed that if need be, I would resort to extreme methods to protect myself. For example, if I had needed to, I would not have hesitated to smash a bully’s legs/knees/ankles with a hockey stick. I would not have lost any sleep over it. My experiences at Rugby School caused my mind to ‘cross the Rubicon‘.

I guess you could say that it was the survival of the fittest and I became in a sense the ‘apex predator‘, who would ‘feed’ on bullies if need be. All by the age of 14-16.

Today, I feel compassion for Cane Toads (felt it’s soul before I killed it humanely & quickly – they are a danger to pets here in Australia), vets comment about how gentle I am, many women have also enjoyed my sensitivity and gentleness (I love women and spending time with them). That said, in the presence of ‘the enemy’ I am a ‘nasty git’, able to switch it on at will. A friend (who started off as a client); a former Warrant Officer in the British Army responsible for training British & foreign forces in close combat, coined the term ‘nasty git’ but is also very aware of my gentle, intuitive side. British Army Warrant Officers are usually good judges of men.

You see, as a man, one can be a warrior, one can be very masculine, and one can also feel deeply and empathise.

Too many guys can’t feel properly due to early conditioning.

It’s OK for guys to cry. To feel another’s pain.

When you are truly emotionally and subconsciously free, you can feel the full range of emotion and turn it on and off at will, in a healthy way.

If need be, you can protect yourself and those who need your help quickly, viciously and effectively. On the other hand you can be soft, gentle and allow your soul to sing.

Being a man is not about being a ‘tough guy’, ‘macho’ or some other idea promoted by advertising, culture or your early conditioning.

Being a mentally healthy man is about being healed on the inside to feel the full range of emotion.

It’s OK for heterosexual guys to allow their sensitive side to show. Many blokes worry that if they do, people will think they are gay. I’ve never had a homosexual thought in my life but at times people have thought I might be gay because of my sensitivity, intuition, creativity and liking for the sensual etc. I don’t care. I even once had a best friend who was gay. (He died in 1994). If you allow what other people think to affect you, then in a sense you are under their control. How ‘masculine’ is that eh? Do you like being a fearful puppet, unable to be yourself?

Actually, if your get your head sorted, you will get on better with women. Here is what one astute, attractive, highly capable businesswoman working in corporate wrote about me:

“What’s fascinating about you is your directness, your intelligence, you look very kissable and most of all your love for animals which is always very important to me. You also have a capacity for emotional sharing which is rare in men.”

Make sure YOU become a man who’s heart can sing, free of the chains of conditioning and other shit. Life is MUCH better as a result! That is what REAL success includes.

I will help you – get in touch today.

And yes, I know she was flirting! Much better to have that effect than something much more negative don’t ya think?


My article: Going Berserk Saved Me From Bullying At Boarding School

Princess Diana’s brother Earl Spencer has said he wishes he had gone to a state school because of the cruel treatment meted out to boys at his boarding school.