Tag Archives for " Dating "

Butterfly Wisdom

Colorful butterfly in female hand, close-upImagine a warm summer’s day…

A beautiful butterfly lands in your palm – wings quivering softly.

You behold its beauty – colors, softness, structure, thin film of dust on wings…

While the butterfly chooses to remain in the open palm of your hand you can enjoy (possess) its beauty, yet if you try to hold onto it by closing your fingers you will damage it, thus destroying its loveliness. You are left with nothing.

So it is with people – you only have something of value when a person remains with you of their own free will.

If you try to “cling on” to people or force issues then you will cause damage; and what for?

Love freely given is the only true treasure.

Relationship Advice From An Unusual Source

Heart Of The Handprints Of Father, Mother And ChildrenI smiled when I came across this article in the Huffington Post:

30 Rules For Boyfriends From Two Wise Little Girls

What I suggest is that you examine yourself honestly and see if there are any areas in which you can improve. That said, as in my case, there might be some where you cannot.

I’ll start the ball rolling with an honest self appraisal…

The points on which I ‘fail’ the list are:

3. Likes parents – I dislike my parents. I expect you would too if you knew the full story. Here’s an article I wrote: Have You Overcome What Your Parents Did To You? (Poor Parenting).  I am not bitter toward them, however I do realise that they are among my enemies, partly because of their attitudes, behavior (past and present) and lack of attempts to put things right. What’s to like?

6. Good artist – my drawing age has been assessed by a qualified graphics/art teacher at around age 6. So no, I am not a good artist. I am creative, intuitive, sensitive and have an appreciation of art. Along with my ‘Viking’ side of course.

10. Likes children/wants children – not me. Be careful before you judge…I have not seen the woman with whom I might have had children with since 1982. I have never had a desire to have children. This might be because I have low levels of a hormone called FSH, though I have always had a high heterosexual libido, even from an early age. I also had an undescended testicle and hernia which was not discovered until I was 12-13 (very late indeed and indicative of poor parental care and oversight). The testicle was saved and brought down surgically, however it never grew. Perhaps this affected my biological drive to have children. It did not affect my sex life though and I have had (and have) successful and fulfilling relationships with beautiful women (in soul, mind and body).

I do not like spending time with children and actively avoid them when I can. It’s partly because I have trouble understanding them due to voice tone related hearing difficulties I have had most of my life. It is also partly because of how I was treated by my parents – the experience has colored my deep perception of children in the sense that I have been conditioned in some respects to see no/little value in them and a lot of their behavior. I have made progress in this area, however I have not significantly targeted it directly using my subconscious mind healing techniques because it hasn’t been a priority (maybe related to no biological urge to have children). I suffered a lot at the hands of children when I was young – I got bullied a lot until I learned the power of inflicting fear, using aggression and how weapons/tactics could enable me to destroy bullies much bigger than me. My parents also favored my younger siblings over me, which also affected how I saw children.

Interestingly, children like me. I expect it is because they sense the deep respect I have for them as people (not just children) and that I listen to them. Many adults project a ‘mind energy/thought stream’ toward children which disrespects and belittles them (just a kid etc, humoring them and similar). In fact, I think we as a society should listen much more to the young. I also honor the child-like mind that children have, which can be helpful for example in subconscious mind healing – note: I did not say childish.

Over the years I have been told by many astute people what an excellent father I would be, in fact I have had numerous people tell me that I am one of the few people they would trust with their own kids. Deep down they sense stuff.

I am very protective of children. So much so that I support the death penalty for serious pedophilia and if it was legal, I would terminate some of them (pedos) myself. The law protects pedophiles from people like me, who won’t break the law. I wasn’t sexually abused myself, however the abuse I did suffer from my father (some physical, some mental, emotional and spiritual) for example has contributed to a deep dislike of oppressive people who abuse power; of which pedophiles are one of the worst kinds.

And yes, it is possible to blend deep compassion, sensitivity and love in a personality with aggression toward bad people such as pedophiles – after all, if you love your country for example, you might use extreme means to defend it.

So yes, I ‘fail’ the test of not wanting/liking children. People who know me well say what a beautiful person I am though.

14. No kissing on the first date – I have failed that one a number of times! To me, it is about deep connection. If that is there, why does one need to be limited by a ‘formula’ or subconscious archetype?

17. Good cook – I fail this one, despite trying sincerely. I think it is partly because I have low-interest in, and a dislike of, cooking. Also, I was not taught to cook while young. My cooking skills are based on British Army training (read and follow instructions on Meals Ready To Eat and some survival cooking). Fortunately my wife is an excellent cook, and she enjoys it. I take time to mindfully thank and appreciate her efforts. When was the last time you did that? I also maintain and clean the cat litter, along with other stuff.

21. Respect different religions – definitely not. Just some of the reasons include:

  • Religion is responsible for huge amounts of messed up thinking, mental health issues, war, hate, violence, child abuse….the list goes on.
  • Belief is a big problem. Why? So many people have beliefs but they do not have knowing. Belief is crap; knowing and embracing truth is key. So many do not want to find truth and of course, they don’t. I say this partly from the perspective of having had so many personal experiences with spiritual truth and reality that I would be certifiably mad if I doubted them. We know it is raining when we experience it. People have crises of faith precisely because their religion is based on belief, not genuine knowing.

Ah…I’ve got to the end. My wife and others would I agree that I pass the others.

What about you?

Exercises in self-reflection can help you grow.

Do I need to grow? In the area of liking children, yes. Will I bother to prioritise it though? Do I need to? I have little to do with children currently and have no plans to in future. I helped bring up step children some years ago and it didn’t hinder me then in significant ways. One young man (step son) even looked me in the eye, told me that me hated me (mixed up kid), yet of his own accord commented that he knew I loved him. In front of his mother too. So, I was able to transmit and walk in genuine love to the extent that a hate filled kid (he has an extremely nasty father and grand father from whom he has not recovered) not only knew it, but commented on it. One reason I was able to do this is because I know how to channel and manifest spiritual love. Do you? It isn’t a head (belief) thing.

And how can I write about intensely personal stuff so freely? It’s partly because my self-esteem is high, partly because I am authentic and partly because I do not get my inner strength from the unreliable places most people do.

Anyway, if you want help with your thinking, with recovering from your past, with dealing with disabilities or body image issues, or anything else, please get in touch. Use the form below, or more contact details are here.

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Bullying, Masculinity And Sensitivity – Part Of My Story

Theatrical Masks

What masks do you wear?

Today I read this article in the Daily Mail:

Punched as he slept, friends tortured with pliers: As it’s revealed the Queen Mother tried to stop Charles going to Gordonstoun, no wonder he called it Colditz with kilts

The article reminded me of my time at Rugby School from 1975 until 1978. Though not the darkest time of my life, attending Rugby School was a life changing experience which exacerbated, and added to, my preexisting mental illness. Today I’ve recovered in a mental health sense, though am still behind in some aspects of ordinary life as a result of both the mental issues and my experiences at the school. For example, it’s one reason why I never had children – by time I got my head sorted it was too late.

While at Rugby School, besides Latin, I learnt that extreme violence would save me from bullying. The staff, senior boys and my parents didn’t/couldn’t/wouldn’t save me.

Besides ‘standard’ bullying, here are just some, more extreme examples: people had pubic hair burnt off with aerosol ‘flame throwers’, heat rub or minty toothpaste rubbed into genitals, minds were deliberately broken. One felt a deep pervading fear about going to sleep….

My nickname when I left Rugby School was ‘Psycho’. I cultivated fear in the minds of my enemies. I used my mind, weapons and extreme violence to instill fear in people much larger & stronger than me. I was not afraid of numbers either. I beat up one notorious bully, including stamping on his head and many people congratulated me afterward.

Violence works on bullies partly because they are tuned into ‘what’s in it for me’. If you are small, a weapon can give you leverage against older and stronger bullies. The most significant key though was the mind. People sensed that if need be, I would resort to extreme methods to protect myself. For example, if I had needed to, I would not have hesitated to smash a bully’s legs/knees/ankles with a hockey stick. I would not have lost any sleep over it. My experiences at Rugby School caused my mind to ‘cross the Rubicon‘.

I guess you could say that it was the survival of the fittest and I became in a sense the ‘apex predator‘, who would ‘feed’ on bullies if need be. All by the age of 14-16.

Today, I feel compassion for Cane Toads (felt it’s soul before I killed it humanely & quickly – they are a danger to pets here in Australia), vets comment about how gentle I am, many women have also enjoyed my sensitivity and gentleness (I love women and spending time with them). That said, in the presence of ‘the enemy’ I am a ‘nasty git’, able to switch it on at will. A friend (who started off as a client); a former Warrant Officer in the British Army responsible for training British & foreign forces in close combat, coined the term ‘nasty git’ but is also very aware of my gentle, intuitive side. British Army Warrant Officers are usually good judges of men.

You see, as a man, one can be a warrior, one can be very masculine, and one can also feel deeply and empathise.

Too many guys can’t feel properly due to early conditioning.

It’s OK for guys to cry. To feel another’s pain.

When you are truly emotionally and subconsciously free, you can feel the full range of emotion and turn it on and off at will, in a healthy way.

If need be, you can protect yourself and those who need your help quickly, viciously and effectively. On the other hand you can be soft, gentle and allow your soul to sing.

Being a man is not about being a ‘tough guy’, ‘macho’ or some other idea promoted by advertising, culture or your early conditioning.

Being a mentally healthy man is about being healed on the inside to feel the full range of emotion.

It’s OK for heterosexual guys to allow their sensitive side to show. Many blokes worry that if they do, people will think they are gay. I’ve never had a homosexual thought in my life but at times people have thought I might be gay because of my sensitivity, intuition, creativity and liking for the sensual etc. I don’t care. I even once had a best friend who was gay. (He died in 1994). If you allow what other people think to affect you, then in a sense you are under their control. How ‘masculine’ is that eh? Do you like being a fearful puppet, unable to be yourself?

Actually, if your get your head sorted, you will get on better with women. Here is what one astute, attractive, highly capable businesswoman working in corporate wrote about me:

“What’s fascinating about you is your directness, your intelligence, you look very kissable and most of all your love for animals which is always very important to me. You also have a capacity for emotional sharing which is rare in men.”

Make sure YOU become a man who’s heart can sing, free of the chains of conditioning and other shit. Life is MUCH better as a result! That is what REAL success includes.

I will help you – get in touch today.

And yes, I know she was flirting! Much better to have that effect than something much more negative don’t ya think?


My article: Going Berserk Saved Me From Bullying At Boarding School

Princess Diana’s brother Earl Spencer has said he wishes he had gone to a state school because of the cruel treatment meted out to boys at his boarding school.

Are Cyber Friends Real?

Social Circle Online Friend Network

Today, in our local online news source we have an article which claims that our new cyber technology is adversely affecting our friendships and which concludes that today, some people have fewer friends.

Human contact is a cyber failing

The article claims that the real culprit is technology.

I disagree. Whilst in some respects, I do think that technology misused can cause friendship problems for people, I think that the real reasons for the increased isolation of some people are very different.

I have been an avid user of new technology for many years and have carefully studied its impact both on myself and others, from a human relationship perspective.

There are many ways in which modern technology is being used to enhance relationships and examples include:

1) Keeping in touch more regularly and more often – these days it is so much easier to keep in contact with others. Regular communication is one of the factors which can enhance relationships greatly.

2) The types/methods of contact are more varied today, and these can enrich relationships. One less obvious example is where a young person on a world trip can regularly create a photo blog documenting their experiences and travels. Parents, family members and others can therefore feel much more involved in the young person’s life.

3) Opportunities to meet other people – the Internet has many good examples of different ways we can network and interact with others for a variety of reasons. It is very easy to seek people of like mind, with whom we are likely to have a rapport. Rapport is one of the key relationship drivers.

4) Self acceptance – as a counselor I have at times used the Internet to prove to people that others are just like them. This can be particularly liberating to some people. I have also noticed that the Internet has fostered a gradual coming out of different types of personality/preference groups.

5) As a former Private Investigator, modern technology, and in particular the Internet, has helped me to locate missing family members or friends, leading to many happy reunions.

6) I met some lovely ladies online via Internet dating – this was back in the days when there was still a stigma about Internet dating and a fair bit of “media hysteria” about the subject. Fortunately for me, none turned out to be an axe murderer.

7) Recently I read an interesting article, which detailed how a young woman somewhere in Asia was saved by people online – most of them strangers – when she attempted to commit suicide. Her attempt was genuine, so the actions of these people were extremely important – she would have died without their intervention.

There are many other ways in which modern technology enhances and improves relationships & intimacy, however I want to end by making the simple point that like anything, technology can be misused, and we all have both an opportunity, and a responsibility, to use it correctly. With a positive mind set, we will find many ways in which technology can improve our relationships.

Media, or other hysteria is unhelpful and counter productive, and among other things, encourages the blame mentality. 2008 has arrived, the technology is here, the technology is changing the world dramatically – let’s focus on using it positively and for good.

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