Tag Archives for " Confidence "

Be Careful Which Counsellor You Choose

CounsellingOK, so you have some issues, problems or simply something that you would like to talk to a counsellor, or therapist, about?

The problem is; there are SO many people out there to choose from.

And; do you see a psychologist, psychiatrist or counselor, or even a life coach?

And; how do you know who is any good?

Sadly, qualifications are no guarantee of good service, despite what many people might think (Often the thinking results from deep subconscious conditioning). Here are some examples.

  1. In 2008, I came across a website run by a counsellor who was not only a registered psychologist, but has 3 university degrees, including a masters majoring in counselling. He had been counseling since 1989 in universities, community based counselling agencies and within corrections. His client base included elite athletes, entrepreneurs and professionals. He claimed to be good at what he did, but admitted he had low self confidence! He then went on to explain that he did not solve his self confidence issues until he learnt a revolutionary new method of dealing with problems. He then went on to say that he now used this method extensively with his clientele. (Note: The website is now defunct, however I have references).
  2. Also in 2008, I met a woman at a business seminar who had an enormous string of qualifications on her business card: BA (Behavioural Sciences/Psychology), Dip Ed, DCH, MHC, CACH, CPLH, Master Practitioner NLP, Master Coach NLP, MP Time Line Therapy. Member AHA, ABH, ABNLP, TLTA. Impressive huh? Or obsessive perhaps? At the end of the 3 day seminar series, we had the opportunity of recording a video testimonial about the seminar presenter, and this woman told me (in a public setting, not in private) that she was very nervous about standing in front of the camera. Besides her own admission, I could see and sense that she had real issues with confidence and noted that she did not exude happiness or other positive energy. She was the kind of person that some people with certain emotional/mental problems would have found depressing to be around.
  3. See my article: When A Psychologist Or Psychiatrist Or Counsellor Is Not An Expert

The three examples above are key reasons why you should be careful about assessing potential counsellors, or similar, on the grounds of their qualifications. Personally, I have nothing against qualifications, and besides having some myself, I have many learned friends. One of these is a retired professor of psychology. What is important though, is the results, impact and effect of a person. Having a good education is great, however there are many educated derelicts out there. Many ‘health’ or well-being practitioners are well below par, despite all the certificates. Make sure you do not waste your money, time or life on them. Some will stuff you up big time.

So, what are some other things to think about when looking for a good counsellor?

  • Experience and results are two key issues.
  • What is the counsellor like? Dynamic, full of life in a loving way? Do they inspire you? Do you sense they can help you?
  • Has the counselor been through, and successfully emerged from, a really terrible past? Many people end up in the counselling or psychology field through a career choice. Nothing wrong with that and some do an outstanding job, however they cannot compare with someone who has actually lived the experience.
  • Referrals can be good, however the right counsellor for one person is not necessarily right for another. Referrals can also be given because the counselor concerned is just good at hosting cosy chats complete with tea and biscuits.
  • Does the counsellor have a high love quotient? Or are they cool and impersonal?
  • Does the counselor have an intuitive side? This can be very important indeed.
  • Are you going to be helped with sorting out the very deep stuff? Can your counsellor really help with that? Most can’t, and have no idea, simply because they have not been through it themselves and emerged victorious.

In my view, probably the most important is the life experience the counsellor has. Have they lived what they are trying to tell you? Or are they ‘do as I suggest/say, not as I do’ type people?

Contact me today for an obligation free chat about how I can help you and make a significant difference in your life.

Note about spelling: You may have noticed the use of both the single and double l in counselor, counselling. This is deliberate and designed to help as many of people find (in the search engines) and benefit from this blog post as possible. In North America the word counselor is the correct spelling, whereas in the UK and Australia it is counsellor. Just using one spelling could mean that some interested readers would not find the post. Additionally, I have counseling clients who I help over the phone in North America (USA & Canada) the United Kingdom, New Zealand and some other countries. It would be sad if someone missed out on getting help due to spelling! Thank you for your understanding.

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Have You Overcome What Your Parents Did To You? (Poor Parenting)

Poor parenting is a serious problem today.Cartoon parents & childParents have a huge responsibility.

Much bigger than many realise.

Have a read of this article:

So are YOU posher than your parents? The key to social mobility is having a devoted and determined family

It’s an interesting, moving and thought-provoking story. At the end, the author writes:

“I had a lump in my throat as I thought to myself that my dear dad should never thank me for anything. He and my mum — who sadly passed away last year following a battle with Alzheimer’s — sacrificed everything to enable me to go out, make money and enjoy the finer things in life.

And they taught me, too, the three things a child needs to make a success of their life: Love, encouragement and an unbreakable work ethic.”

I want to home in on this: “three things a child needs to make a success of their life: Love, encouragement and an unbreakable work ethic.”

In my case, both my parents had a good work ethic, which I also have. Neither of them loved me however and both actively discouraged me. A friend, who has met both of them, says that she doesn’t think my parents ever loved me, based on HER independent observations of their behavior. Personally, I have no doubt that both my parents hated/hate me.

All that said, I am very fortunate to have had such ghastly parents & received poor parenting!

This is because I overcame what they did to me, took personal responsibility for fixing myself and got healing for my mental illness (caused by what happened to me as a child, including poor parenting).

Among other things, I suffered from: severe depression, anxiety, mania, extreme fears, Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD), panic attacks, low self-esteem, low confidence, severe introversion, poor social skills, lack of empathy. Those are just a few!

I know a deep peace & joy now, and having observed many people with a good start in life, have realised that I am better off inside than even them. The only significant area I am still catching up on is the financial damage which partly resulted from many years struggling with mental health issues, and partly from doing too much charitable work (helping others too much can be ‘unhealthy’). (Related read: Daily Mail article: Happiness is the best investment for your child’s future, as study reveals happy children grow up to be wealthy.)

Without such awful parents I would never have discovered what I know today – I am thus grateful for my parents.

Unfortunately, most people who have such a bad start in life suffer terrible life outcomes. I nearly did too.

Today, I help others who had a similar poor parenting experience, as well as those who haven’t. As I have been there and done it myself, I have experience and understanding that you cannot learn from a book, class, lecture or buy with money.

If you want help with issues that stem from poor parenting, contact me here.

What kind of parent are you?

Do you have concerns about your parenting style? Perhaps you need some parenting advice, or parenting tips? Perhaps you mean well but make too many mistakes and want to improve your parenting skills? If so, get in touch and get help. Besides the obvious benefits, you will learn things which will help you in other areas of your life also.

“No success in public life can compensate for failure in the home” – Benjamin Disraeli

Topical article: Teen, 18, threw himself in front of train after texting friends to say he was ‘broken after a decade of psychological abuse’ by his mother.

Gratitude

You may have noticed that generally, one finds few true, genuine friends or people in life.

Down the years I found few who really cared and/or helped.

I am grateful for those that did and for those that didn’t (the latter helped me become stronger), and also for the people who helped for the wrong motives (the latter are not listed here, even if they did ‘help’ me).

I am especially grateful to these kind, genuine souls:

Jean Webley (1910 – 1987) & Wilfred Webley (1911 – 1985). Paternal grandparents.

Trevor Webley (Dcd early 70’s) – Wilf’s brother.

Colonel Terry Palmer (1928 – Oct 2011). RM (3 Cdo Bde) , Para (OC 1 Para Log), Special Forces (Recon & Intelligence). Stepfather. A top operator. My mother was a bitch to him as well.

RSM Potter. If I could have had a father, he would have been the one I chose. (My father by blood was not a father in spirit, thus I never had a real dad).

Mr Osborne. The only school teacher to make the list.

Grace Hayward. Helped me as many others were kicking me when I was down.

Val Beale. Gave me a home & other help at a difficult time in my life.

Sarah B.

Dr Joy Harrison M.D. Gave me a home at a difficult time in my life.

Carol Wright. An unusually forward lady – she asked me for a date. Had I not emigrated to Australia in July 1982, I would probably have married her. She is also the only woman I probably would have had children with.

Martin Jones.

Rosamond H.  The tender wind that carried the Lion and gave light in the dark. Never forgotten. Always there, in the invisible.

Pete Middlemas – RM.

Unknown infantry officer – Thirsk, Yorkshire.

Peter Booth. (Dcd 3 June, 1994.) An old style ‘British boffin’. I never did find out if he worked for GCHQ.

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