Do you think the concept of addiction or compulsive behaviour around sex is a way for people to avoid responsibility for abusive behaviour?
I think it can be.
Decades ago I had various addictions & compulsive behaviours, yet I took personal responsibility for fixing them.
These compulsions and addictions no longer bother me, or others, today – I don’t have to ‘fight’ or manage them; I do not have the thoughts these days. I did it all without using prescribed drugs. I fixed my deep subconscious mind.
So, if I could overcome addictions and compulsive behaviours – which are used by many as excuses for bad behaviour – then surely other people with them should be held more responsible than they are?
And of course; society generally thinks that those who are not addicted, or subject to compulsion, are indeed responsible for their actions.
Basic knowledge of human nature and criminality informs us that miscreants have a tendency to deny their crimes, claim ignorance, claim they are not at fault, look for excuses or otherwise obfuscate the truth. Prisons have large numbers of ‘innocent’ people as residents; according to the inmates.
The New Scientist writes: Sex addiction is gaining medical credibility as a real thing. One needs a subscription to read the whole article, however I will summarise by saying that the World Health Organisation (WHO) is ‘considering’ adding sex addiction to its own diagnostic guidelines.
Think about the issue from different angles. One such is women abused by a man claiming sex addiction or compulsion. How will these women feel if an offender uses this as an excuse? How will women in general feel when they consider that men could start to increase their levels of abuse, thinking a credible defence is addiction or compulsion (If WHO says so).
We need more personal responsibility in society, not less. We need to stop making excuses and get our shit sorted. An underlying hindrance to this is a significant perception that nothing can be done on a deep level within the psyches of people with issues.
A late friend; Tom Walther – who died in March 2017 – a retired Professor of Psychology at an Australian university, commented that most (he did not say all) psychologists and psychiatrists do not address the deep emotions properly and thus do not enable people to get the freedom they should, and could. It’s a disturbing reflection on the world of mental health that someone with such experience and knowledge commented in this way. And incidentally, my friend approved of my methods (I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist).
Tom Walther was much older than me and was a man of extraordinary experience. Born in Haarlem Holland on the 11th May 1938 to an English mother and Dutch father, he lived in occupied Europe during the Second World War. His mother had to hide at home for the whole war because her English accent would have led to her being imprisoned by the Germans. During the war, Tom and his father were travelling through a town where unknown to them, the Nazis were indiscriminately rounding up people for execution in retribution for some partisan activity, selecting a quota from people travelling down the main street. Tom and his father narrowly missed being chosen by just a few quota slots. They were however forced to watch the machine gunning of the victims. Tom, a little boy, clung on to his father’s trembling leg as his father wet himself. Tom never liked people trivialising or minimising Nazism, or dressing up as Nazis, and had a deep awareness of the darkness of the human soul.
People who abuse others for sexual gratification are somewhat ’empty souls’ who need much psychological and philosophical help. If this is you, please contact me; if you are genuinely serious about changing your thinking and behaviour.
Just one of the key things men who abuse women don’t understand, or ignore, is that unless a woman gives of herself FREELY, you have NOTHING of value. The embrace and ‘energy’ of a woman who LIKES, & WANTS, you is a beautiful thing. People who don’t understand this are missing out on some of the deep joys life can offer. Life’s best is about loving, not taking. Service, not being served.
“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson
It is not always men who are the abusers. We need to guard against ‘demonising’ men per se. When I was about 15 or 16, and a student at a boarding school (Rugby School) in the UK in the 1970s, I was on my own in a Rugby town churchyard and got sexually assaulted by an attractive woman I did not know (a stranger). While I admit that I enjoyed it and found it exciting at the time, it was wrong of her to do that and she should not have done it. Had it been a man, I would have beaten the shit out of him in self defence; and yes, I did have the ability: Going Berserk Saved Me From Bullying At Boarding School.